


How I wish you were here

by charons_boat



Series: Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? [1]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Animals, Artificial Intelligence, Caretakers - Freeform, Engineers, Humanoid Robots, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Past Relationships, Robots, Science, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, also fuck the other people at dongmin's work, but on accident, caretaker!jinwoo, caretaker!rocky, cuteness, engineer!dongmin, fuck lee sooman, learning, mentioned Lee Sooman, metioned SHINee ensemble, myungjun has a savanna, myungjun is like the most innocent oblivious boy, myungjun kinda flirts with everyone, myungjun making everyone gay panic, robot!myungjun, rocky had a pet rock named harold, small environments, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26702581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charons_boat/pseuds/charons_boat
Summary: Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts (your friends for fakes)?
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ & Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo, Kim Myungjun | MJ & Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo & Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin & Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo & Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin & Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin & Park Minhyuk | Rocky
Series: Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943185
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	How I wish you were here

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this for months. it's not done. updates will be few and far between. this is actually all I have written for this right now, though I do have plans to write more, add sanha and moonbin, etc. if you think of any tags I should add, pls tell me. pls if nothing else, just tell me that you liked It if you did. i have spent so much time on this and highkey might rage quit if uh. it just sits here and does nothing. anywho on w the chaos. enjoy 12k words
> 
> if you didn't know, braille is commonly used to assist the blind
> 
> also if you think of something I should warn at the beginning pls tell me

The very first thing I register is light. It is bright, blindingly so, and I blink rapidly after opening my eyes for what I think is the first time. I squint, and as I raise my arm to block the light out with my hand, I register a second thing: heat. The light is a little warm, and the shadow cast by my hand leaves wakes of very slight coolness over my cheeks. I slowly become aware of the rest of my body as someone helps me sit up, and I register the next two things almost simultaneously; the hand on my lower back is slim and presses a soothing heat into my skin--the new warmth impeded by something thin and soft--and my toes are cold. I lower my hand, no longer needing to block out the light now that I'm upright, and let my gaze travel down my chest and legs until it reaches my feet. They're bare and tilted towards each other, the right more so than the left. I wiggle my toes, just to see how the movement feels and looks, and I find that it's something strange. Well, maybe not so much strange as it is _new_ ; I decide I like it, and I do it again. When I hear a soft chuckle from the right I lift my head, turning it to stare at the man beside me.

His hair is a very dark brown that I think might look nearly black in a place that isn't so bright as this one is. His eyes are very kind and hold undeniable warmth in their dark brown depths. The corners of his lips pull upwards in a fond smile, like a soft pink heart. His nose is fairly straight, his jawline a bit soft and cheekbones high enough to draw more attention to his eyes. The man's eyebrows are dark and straight, fairly thin. Though I'm unsure what it means or where I'd learned it, the word _handsome_ comes to my mind as I look at him.

"Do you like moving your toes," he asks me. I blink slowly at him before turning my gaze back to my feet; a smile makes its way onto my lips when I move them again, and I realize I must have smiled the first time. I turn back to him and nod.

"Is that why you laughed the first time?" My voice shocks me as I ask. It's slightly higher than the other’s, though his is softer than mine. There was a quiet, unexpected warmth when I spoke, too. He stares at me, confusion moving across his features as he tries to find an answer. "Because I smiled. Is that why you laughed?" His eyes light up, and he closes his mouth while nodding. I am glad to see his mouth return to the pretty heart shape again. "Why did it make you laugh?" He laughs again instead of answering right away. His laughter brightens his face even further, something I hadn't quite expected to be possible.

"You're very curious, aren't you?" Once his laughter has died away into silence, I bite my lip and nod cautiously. He sends me another smile and moves down by the end of the bed. "That's okay. It's refreshing. About your question, I laughed because I found it cute. You were very invested in watching your feet, and I found it so adorable that I had to do something. If I hadn't laughed, I probably would've screamed." He sounds very matter-of-fact as he speaks, and I giggle at him.

"That seems like a weird reaction," I tell him as he begins to gently push on my toes. They move easily under the light pressure, and he lets out a satisfied noise.

"A lot of things humans do are very weird when you begin to think about them," he says quietly, speaking despite his clear focus on the board in his hand. His hand moves quickly as he runs his pen over it, and I wonder if there's any paper on the board. He only turns to face me once he's set the board down, wetting his lips and clasping his hands together in front of his body as he does so. "I'm going to move your legs off the bed now, okay? I'll be careful, don't worry." I can't help but stare at him as he turns his attention to my legs. His grip is gentle as he lifts my right leg and moves it so that it hangs off the edge of the bed. He does the same with the left soon after, and suddenly I can feel the cold tiles brushing against my chilly toes. The feeling makes me cringe, and I try to pull my legs up. The brunet is writing something down on the paper that is, indeed, on the board before I can even blink. His hands are gentle again as he puts my legs back over the edge of the bed, and I try to find a way to keep my toes from touching the ground while keeping my legs over the edge of the bed.

Most of my focus is on keeping my toes off the floor, the rest on the small, fond smile the man wears, so I miss most of what he does next. At some point he hits my knee with a tiny hammer and lets out another round of soft laughter when my leg kicks out, nearly hitting him in the stomach. It's after this that I begin to notice what we're wearing. I'm in a white top and an equally white pair of shorts, and I pout at how boring they are. I momentarily wish they were brighter before getting distracted by the other man's clothes. His black pants look _fancy_ , another word I don't fully understand, and his long white coat covers part of his bright blue shirt. His shirt looks warm and soft, and the top part around is folded down so it only covers the bottom part of his neck. There's a piece of plastic attached to his coat with some strange symbols on it; he notices me squinting at it and glances down.

"I've forgotten to tell you my name, haven't I?" He sounds vaguely disappointed, and I nod in response. The man sighs as he sets the board down on the bed. He holds his right hand out half a second before speaking again. "I'm Lee Dongmin. It's nice to meet you." When I don't respond, trying to figure out what he wants me to do with his hand, he laughs and says, "you can call me Dongmin, though. Grab my hand with your right one and I'll show you what to do." I bite my lip as I do as instructed, and smile when he gently shakes my hand. "This is what you do when you introduce yourself to someone." I open my mouth to speak but close it when I realize something that should've been obvious before now.

"Uhm, Dongmin? I don't know my name," I tell him quietly. He covers his eyes with his left palm and sighs, dropping his head slightly.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't sure whether you already knew or not, I-- this is the first time I've woken one of you up, and you aren't all the same, so I wasn't sure what to expect. But, uhm, your name is Kim Myungjun," he says. I don't understand most of what he said, so I latch onto the one thing that I do: my name. I nod and smile at him.

"It's okay. You shouldn't be expected to remember everything all the time. It's nice to meet you Dongmin. I'm Kim Myungjun, but you can call me Myungjun if you'd like." When I wink at him, Dongmin laughs and lets go of my hand to cover his mouth with his hand. I can feel the smile spreading across my lips and start to laugh too. I'll ask him later on what the other things he said meant. Right then, it feels good to laugh with him: it's like my entire body is filled with bubbles. When the room quiets back down, Dongmin wipes his eyes and straightens up. His eyelashes glisten in the light, dampened by the tears he'd smeared around his eyes.

"We've been working on your miniviro for a while, and it's almost done now; that's why we woke you up. Would you like to go see?" Dongmin can't keep the last remnants of a smile off his face as he addresses me again. I nod and let him help me off the bed. When I'm standing next to him on the floor, I can see the difference in our height: Dongmin is a few inches taller than me. When he catches sight of me shifting from side to side, an attempt to keep my feet from getting too cold, he looks down and grimaces at my bare feet. "Stay here, I'll be right back." I watch him as he hurries off to rifle through boxes across the room. He makes a small noise of triumph as he lifts something white in his hands and comes back, the _something_ held in his hands. He hands it to me, and I find that the white things are very soft. "They're slippers. They'll keep your feet clean and hopefully somewhat warmer." Dongmin gently takes the slippers from my hands and slips them onto my feet. My feet don't feel very warm yet, but at least I can no longer feel the cold tiles anymore.

"What's a miniviro? I've never heard that word before," I say quietly. Dongmin takes hold of my hand and leads me out of the room. A smile tugs at his lips as he hums.

"It's an abbreviation. Miniviro stands for ‘miniature environment’. I'll explain more soon. We don't have a very large window of time to get you ready; a few others are waking up today and you got to be the first," he tells me. I nod and keep following him, observing our surroundings as we walk. The room we'd left is the last in the hallway; the door is at the end of the hall, and there are three more evenly spaced along the wall to the left. As we're about to pass, the third door opens, and a woman in a white coat like Dongmin's wheels a bed out. There's a young woman asleep on the bed. After they're gone, Dongmin pulls me closer and whispers. "She'll be waking up soon. They'll give us about thirty minutes to get finished before they wake her up." When we start walking again, Dongmin is moving a little faster. He makes sure that I'm still following him every few feet.

We turn a corner and are faced with another hallway, this one much longer and emptier. There are only two doors in this hallway, both on the left wall, with the second at the other end of the hallway. There's a different kind of door at the opposite end of the hallway, made of shiny metal. Dongmin puts his finger on a small square next to the door closest to us, and it opens after a cheery beep. He gestures for me to follow and holds the door open for me.

"Myungjun," he calls softly as I stare around the room in wonder. I turn to look at him and wait for him to talk again. "Whenever someone holds a door open for you, say thank you. I think it's probably best to get manners down sooner rather than later." I nod and repeat it in my head a few times, hoping it will help me to remember.

"Thank you for holding the door open for me, Dongmin," I say quietly. He nods and smiles.

"You're welcome, Myungjun. Now, this room," he says, letting the door fall closed again, "is where we make the miniviros. We aren't one of the big facilities, so we have to accurately map things out and make them in pieces." I look back towards the rest of the room. It's filled with waving strands of something that's a pretty, light gold color, and farther off, a twisted tree reaches futilely for the high ceiling.

"What is this," I ask quietly. Dongmin smiles and wraps his thin fingers around my wrist. His hand is very warm on my bare skin. He leads me towards the expanse of gold and steps into it; I giggle when I realize it's taller than I'd thought, brushing against Dongmin's soft, blue shirt. When I step into it, I let my hands run across the stuff and giggle when it tickles at my skin where it finds a way under the hem of my shirt.

"This is a savanna. We're standing in grass right now; you'll learn more about this biome later. If you come with me, I'll show you the pieces we've already finished. You are, however, welcome to explore this for a few minutes if you'd like," Dongmin tells me. I hesitate for a moment before shaking my head.

"I'll go with you. You said we didn't have much time. Plus, I think you're getting grass on your shirt," I tell him. He looks down at his shirt and starts laughing.

"This is called a turtleneck. There are a lot of different kinds of shirts, but you'll learn about that later as well," he tells me. I nod and let him lead me through the grass. He's careful to avoid stepping in holes, and I follow his path so I won't step in them either. We soon emerge from the tall grass and walk towards a table. He lets go of my wrist to point at something on the table. Looking closer, I can see that it looks like the grassy area we'd just walked through, except that it's much smaller. The trees that grow among the grass are so much smaller than the one behind me that I'm sure whatever this is has to be fake.

"What is this," I ask quietly. Dongmin smiles and runs his fingers through the tiny little blades of grass.

"This is your miniviro. All of this is alive, it's just been made smaller by a machine we call Model-S. The 'S' stands for shrink, or small. The piece behind us will be shrunk down in a few minutes and we'll put it over here," he tells me, pointing at an empty spot. "They'll fuse all the pieces and you'll have to go to sleep again for a little bit."

"Why?" He bites his lip and sighs. He turns to face me and stays silent for a few moments with a pensive look on his face.

"Myungjun, I promise you that I _will_ explain. Just a little while longer. Please be patient. Explaining would take too long, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell you without overwhelming you," he tells me. I look back at the tiny savanna and nod.

"I understand. I'll try to be patient, though somehow I feel it's not something easily found in my character," I respond. Dongmin laughs and nods.

"You're right. I'll explain that too, though it might be longer than just a little while before I can. That one's… you'll need more time to adjust. Just trust me about that, okay," he asks, serious again. I nod and look back at Dongmin.

"I trust you. I'm curious and _really_ want answers, but if you think it’s best that I wait, I will," I tell him. He smiles and thanks me quietly before gently pulling me out of the room. Light flares a few seconds after the door falls shut, and he smiles.

"We need to go to another floor," Dongmin says. He walks towards the shiny metal door at the end of the hallway, much brighter than the cold black doors closing off the other rooms.

"How do we get to another floor?" He presses the top of two buttons and it lights up with a bright yellow color.

"We're on the second floor. The elevator will take us higher, and later on, it'll take us to the first floor so we can leave. I'd hoped that you could meet some of the animals beforehand--you always did love the animals so much, so I thought that you'd like to see them--but the process we have to go through gets faster every time. Maybe, on the way down the hallway, you can look through the doors and see some of them," the brunet suggests. I nod and step into the elevator with him. The doors close and he presses another button; it lights up like the one outside had done. I can't help the gasp I let out when I feel the elevator begin to rise upwards. It doesn't take long, but I'm glad to be out of the elevator either way. I look into the little windows on the doors like Dongmin had suggested, and I feel my lips split into the biggest smile yet as I look at all the animals. They're separated by type, and Dongmin says that it's so they can't hurt each other when I ask him why. I feel the same bubbly feeling I had earlier as I look at them.

Because I have to follow along behind Dongmin, I don't get to stop and look at all of the animals like I want to. Dongmin opens another door and leads me in. He quietly asks me to sit on the bed in the middle of the room. The white paper covering it crinkles when I sit on it, and the bed is surrounded by strange fixtures. I recognize a few as lights.

"Myungjun, can you lie down," Dongmin asks, voice still quiet and warm. I nod and pull my legs up onto the bed, stretching them out along its length afterward. When I'm on my back, staring upwards, I realize one of the things above the bed is a mirror. I can see myself reflected in it, and I decide to take the time to look at myself. My hair is brown like Dongmin's, but it's not as dark. It isn't as long either; his falls down past his eyes, but the longer parts of mine curl up at the ends so they only reach to about my eyebrows. My lips are more downturned at the corners than Dongmin's, and my cheekbones are slightly higher, but my jawline is just as soft as his. I tilt my head a bit and realize that my hair is shorter on the sides, and darker too. When my gaze begins to travel down my reflection, it stops again at my stomach. The way my shirt lies looks strange. I sit up and raise my shirt, confused by the hole in my stomach. Dongmin turns around, and he yelps when he sees me.

"Dongmin, what--"

"It's okay, Myungjun. Lay back down, and I'll explain. Now is a good time anyways, the others got a bit distracted so they'll be just a little bit longer." He interrupts before I can say much. I notice that he’d said it would only be a little longer a lot, but I lay back down regardless. I don't protest when he gently pulls my shirt back down; afterward, he moves a chair closer to the bed and sits in it. "You aren't alive like me. Your heart is different from mine: we call it a Mortal Coil. Kind of a joke on our part, but regardless, it's what allows you to have thoughts and feelings. You aren't like most of the other robots, but I'll explain that later. The most important thing to explain right now is why you were created. Most of the wildlife on our planet had died by the turn of the century, so we came up with a plan. We froze all the bodies we still had, and we started making miniviros and transplanting them. We didn't start with robots, but we learned from our mistakes. You were created to protect what little wildlife is still alive. We create clones from the bodies we have and we grow biomes and we shrink everything down until it's very small. We put them in robots and do our best to keep them alive and you running. We still aren't entirely sure what to do with all of this in the future, but for now, it's enough that we're doing our best to keep animals from going extinct." I stay silent for a moment before turning my head to look at him.

"How am I different," I ask quietly. He bites his lip instead of answering right away.

"I can't answer that, not right now. You need time to process. For now, all I can say is that you were created to carry and protect life." It's a strangely comforting thought, and I file it away to ask about later. I'm sure it's something he'll explain someday anyways. Before I can say anything in return, the door opens and Dongmin stands up to greet the people that walk in. He bows to them while he shakes their hands, and I figure that it's another thing that'll be explained sooner rather than later. It seems like a manners thing, and he'd said we were going to get those things ironed out early.

"Hello, MJ-K1," one of the men says. There's a woman too, tall and intimidating in her silence.

"My name is Myungjun," I say quietly. Dongmin bites his lip once more, and I notice that it's been getting more red and puffy every time he's done it.

"I understand. Apologies. I trust Dr. Lee has explained things to you," the man asks. I frown and shake my head.

"I don't know who Dr. Lee is. Dongmin explained some stuff though," I tell the greying man. His lips thin into a straight line, and I decide that I don't really like him.

"Myungjun, I'm Dr. Lee. It's just a more professional name people use to refer to me when I'm at work," Dongmin explains quietly.

"Oh. I understand, kind of. Why do you need another name? Dongmin is a nice name," I say, somewhat confused.

"It's about being respectful. Being respectful is very important," he explains. I stay still for a moment before nodding.

"Okay. I need to go to sleep now, right," I ask. Dongmin nods and some of the other men in the room let out poorly concealed snickers. The tall woman's lips quirk upwards into an amused smile, and Dongmin's cheeks and ears turn red. I don't need an explanation to know I shouldn't ask about it right now.

"I'll take care of you, okay Myungjun? Don't be scared. Since this is my first time doing this, they're here to watch and make sure I don't make any mistakes," Dongmin whispers. I lick my lips and close my eyes before nodding.

"I trust you. I'm not scared," I tell him, and he may not believe me, but it's the truth. The world slowly slips away, and the last thing I feel is the warmth of a hand squeezing mine.

* * *

  
Waking up is different. The first time it had been slow and easy, a gradual process that allowed me to experience more. This time, someone is shaking me and talking rather loudly in my ear, though it must have been quieter to anyone else. The warmth against my shoulders is more fleeting as I open my eyes to see the ceiling again.

"Myungjun, wake up! We have to leave, we're running a little late," Dongmin says, and I get off the bed quickly because I can hear in his voice that it's important. I let him lead me into the elevator, despite the fact that I don't like it much, and this time we go down instead of up. I decide, as the elevator opens and I follow Dongmin out into a new hallway, that I like going down even less than I did going up; going down made me feel like I was falling. He begins to speak somewhat frantically again as we walk, and I focus on what he's saying because so far, everything Dongmin had told me had been important. "Now, technically we can take as much time as we want at this point; we'll be in my office, so we won't be under pressure from other people here to stay on task. However, if you'd like to meet Jinwoo and Minhyuk today as we'd planned, we'll have to be relatively quick to stay on time. Although, they did say we could take a while if we needed to." Dongmin stops at a door and puts his thumb on a little green square like the one that had let us into the room with the savanna, but this time he types in a series of letters on a separate panel after it gives the same cheery beep as before. He opens the door and turns to look at me. "They said they didn't have any plans today besides meeting you." The thought of that, of meeting me being the only thing they had to do today, makes me feel odd. Strangely warm. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I'm reminded of when Dongmin's cheeks and ears had turned red earlier; something tells me that my cheeks are like that now, and I am curious. So, I ask a question.

"Dongmin, earlier… when those people came into the room. They laughed when I asked if it was time to go to sleep, and your face got red. Why?" I half-expect him to turn red again, but instead, he sighs and sits heavily on the couch. He pats the cushion next to him, and I sit next to him, peering into his face cautiously and curiously.

"They were laughing about the way I was treating you," he says. He sounds miserable saying it, and I hesitate for a moment before putting my arm around his shoulders. I stop myself from putting my free hand on his knee, just in case it's not something I'm allowed to do.

"Why? I like the way you treat me. It makes me feel… nice," I tell him.

"They don't care about how you feel. Most people don't treat robots like I do. I try to treat you guys like real people because-- I'll explain that later. But, you have thoughts and feelings, and I think you deserve to be treated as more than just machines. They think it's foolish of me to treat a machine like it's alive. We humans enjoy naming things, so we have names for robots like you. We call you carriers because you carry life. I have a different name for robots like you, that look human and can think and feel. I call you mothers or fathers. If you… if you're okay with it, I'd like to call you a mother," he says hesitantly. That makes me feel the same fuzzy warmth from earlier.

"Why," I ask curiously. He bites his lip yet again, and his gaze roams the room for a moment before settling back on me.

"You… you used to say--as a joke, mostly--that you wanted to be a mother someday," he explains. I wonder if it has to do with what he can't explain yet, so I nod, file it away, and move on.

"So, they laughed because they thought you were being foolish. You turned red because it… it hurt you," I say, the statement morphing into a question within the last few words. He nods.

"It's called blushing. It can happen for a few reasons. Usually, someone is either embarrassed or flattered when they blush," he tells me.

"One more question, and then we can do what we came here for," I suggest, only continuing when Dongmin nods. "When you told me I was made to carry and protect life, it made me feel strange. It happened again just now when you said you called robots like me mothers or fathers. When you said you wanted to call me a mother… I'm not sure I understand what I felt." Dongmin looks conflicted as he thinks about my admission.

"I-- I will explain more fully later, but it has to do with your personality and desires. It likely has to do with your thoughts and feelings towards the animals. Maybe you will come to understand it better on your own," he suggests. I nod and let him stand up, taking my arm away from his shoulders as he does so. He takes a deep breath and shakes out his arms before turning around to face me again. "We came here so I could teach you how to use the equipment you have available to you. Most of it's actually pretty easy once you get used to it, so hopefully, we'll be done within 45 minutes." I nod and listen patiently as he explains. I smile when he uses a screen and a remote controller to show me that cameras are implanted in the miniviro, showcasing the miniature environment in a way that makes it look full-sized as I'd seen it earlier. There are systems in place to keep the miniviro under a controlled weather pattern that is configured to be as natural as possible. I can adjust it with a panel of buttons embedded in my forearm, and he lets me play around with it for a few minutes because there still aren't any animals in it yet. I enjoy watching the grass sway in a gentle breeze, though I set it back to normal when Dongmin moves onto the next subject.

He grabs something off his table and hides it behind his back as he walks over. He struggles to contain a smile as he kneels in front of me.

"I'll need you to either take your shirt off or lift it for this next part," he tells me softly. I nod and lift the hem, surprised momentarily to see that the empty space had been filled with a semi-transparent material. I bend down and am surprised, again, to see that it bends a bit as I move. When I look at it, I can see a dark blur floating in my stomach that I realize must be the miniviro. I lift my head to see that Dongmin has moved his hands in front of him so that he's holding them towards me, offering me the small orb in his hand. I drop part of my shirt and reach out for it. It's soft and squishy when he carefully sets it in my palm, and I realize that it's the same material covering the space in my stomach. I can see a tiny, dark blur moving around inside of it.

"What is it," I ask him quietly. The awe in my voice reminds me of the way someone might sound when talking about their god, though I can't remember ever hearing anyone talk about religion.

"This is the first addition to your miniviro," Dongmin whispers, sounding just as awed as I am. When he opens his palm in front of me, I hand it back with just as much care as he'd taken in giving it to me. "I'll show you how it works, okay?" I nod, and he quickly reaches over to his desk to grab a controller. "You can do this with the panel on your arm, but I'll use this for now. The material over your stomach and around the animal in my hand is the same thing. It's a selectively permeable membrane that uses very small robots that we call nano-bots to allow certain things in and out, usually just animals or food." He presses some of the buttons on the device in his hands, and then I watch as he gently presses the edge of the orb against my stomach. I giggle at the ticklish feeling of the strange materials seaming into each other, trying to stay still so I won't mess anything up. A smile lights up on Dongmin's face--a sight I'm quickly getting used to and want to see more of-and he soon pulls the orb away. Dongmin gently tugs my shirt down as he begins to speak again.

"There's a small artificial gravity system in your stomach and chest cavity that alters where 'down' is. It'll keep the animals safe in case you fall or--" here, he falters in his speech, swallowing heavily and glancing back up at me as his fingers brush against the lower part of my stomach. He pulls his hands away like he's been shocked and clears his throat before continuing. "--if you get attacked. It'll make sure they don't get jostled. There's also an equilibrium system that works in tandem with the gravity system. That makes sure that the up stays up and the down stays down. The miniviro may look it, but it's not connected to the inside of you. There are a few centimeters of space between the surface of the miniviro and the surface of your machinery, which is where some of the regulatory devices are placed. Basically, all that fancy stuff just lets the animals walk upright." I nod before a thought strikes me, and I gasp.

"Dongmin, can we look at it through the cameras!" It's possibly the loudest I've been yet. The force of his smile crinkles up his eyes, and he doesn't bother answering as he pulls out the screen we'd been using earlier to look through the cameras. I press three buttons, squinting a little at the odd feeling of the raised buttons against my fingers. Dongmin had said they were in a symbol language called braille. Apparently, the buttons only showed up whenever my fingers got close enough to them, and after I press the buttons and take my hand away, I notice that the buttons really do disappear; it's like watching water evaporate.

When Dongmin sits next to me and sets the glass-screened device across our knees, it's dark despite being on. He gently wraps long, elegant fingers around my wrist and turns my arm over so that my forearm faces the ceiling.

"Now, I know we did this with the remote earlier, but you can connect this tablet to the computer with the panel on your arm. I'll teach you how, and then you can look whenever you want to." The idea is so wonderful that a smile spreads over my face at Dongmin's soft words. I nod and listen to his quiet, kind instructions; it takes me a few seconds each time to find the buttons he tells me to press, each one with a different sequence of raised dots. When I find the last button, the tiny cameras connect to the tablet in a kind of collage of film. Most of the screens are just grass, trees, and watering holes, but one of them shows a very long animal next to a tree. Its neck is so long that it's triangular, thick-lipped face reaches the top of the twisted tree. There are stubby horns on top of its head between its ears, and the short, yellow fur has brown, geometric spots all over it. The thing's legs are near as long as its neck, and a thin tail sways gently in a slight breeze.

"There it is!" I try to keep my voice quiet as I point at the screen because I don't know if it'll be able to hear me on the inside. Dongmin giggles at my enthusiasm and nods. He gives me another set of instructions, and the screen with the creature in it takes over the entire screen: it's something I'd seen many times when he was showing me the cameras earlier, but that still surprised, amused, and almost disoriented me. My smile settles into something calmer but no less excited as we watch the tall animal pull leaves from the branches of the tree with its long, black tongue. "Dongmin, what is it?" He smiles kindly at me.

"It's a giraffe." He sounds as delighted as I am. I ghost the tips of my fingers over the screen, wondering what it would feel like to pet the giraffe. I wonder if I'd even be able to reach its back.

"I love it, Dongmin. It's so cute. How big are they, if it's tall enough to reach the leaves?" He smiles and hums.

"Well, this one is very small compared to other giraffes."

"Hmm? Why?" He laughs for a few moments before quirking an eyebrow at me. It takes me a moment to remember where the giraffe is, and I glance down at my covered stomach. "Oh, right. This one is shrunken much smaller than the others, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Normal giraffes are very tall, and most of the ones like this are anywhere from 15 to 20 feet tall. Before we shrunk this one, it was 17 feet tall. You would be able to touch its stomach, but not much higher unless it put its head next to you."

" _Wow…_ how can something so tall exist?! It doesn't seem possible at all…" Dongmin laughs once more and smiles happily at me.

"There are creatures out there much bigger than giraffes, Myungjun," he tells me, his voice full of quiet mirth. I finally tear my eyes away from the screen to stare at Dongmin in shock.

"I don't believe that," I whisper. Dongmin shakes his head with a good-natured smile on his lips and gently takes my hand in his.

"I'll show you, someday. There are still a few of them left in the wild, though most are in other carriers like you."

"I see…" Dongmin helps me disconnect the cameras and shut off the tablet before he looks at the device on his watch. It ticks quietly and he clicks his tongue.

"I forgot the time because we got caught up with the giraffe, but that's okay because you had lots of fun. You've enjoyed all of this, haven't you?" He tries to let go of my hand and turn towards me, but once he's turned a bit, I grab his hand again.

"Yes. I… I've learned so much today, and I've enjoyed the learning and the-- the _giraffe_ so much. It's a bit difficult at times, to figure out which buttons you mean and to try and remember, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it as easily as you use the remote, someday. Thank you, Dongmin, thank you so much for teaching me and explaining things to me. I'd… I would know so little without you." Dongmin smiles and shakes his head.

"You'd know more than you think, Myungjun. You don't realize it, but you're connected to something called 'the internet' and you've been learning passively this entire time." It makes sense, once he says it. The missing information fills itself in, and I understand where I'd learned about religion. Bubbles, trees, grass: the _internet_ had told me what all of them were when I needed to know. The internet wasn't explaining the things Dongmin had promised to tell me about, though. I'm strangely grateful for it because I know that I'd likely be overwhelmed by it. I let out a quiet _oh_ , and Dongmin squeezes my hand reassuringly.

"If you'd like to stay here and have some to process, we can. I'll tell Jinjin and Rocky that--"

"Who?" Dongmin pauses and furrows his brow. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

"Sorry. I used nicknames by mistake. Jinwoo and Minhyuk, I mean. Did I… tell you, that they're the ones who'll take care of you, or did I forget?" I bite my lip and shake my head.

"I don't think you told me, Dongmin. What does that mean? That they'll take care of me?"

"They're part of a group of people called caretakers. I'm considered an engineer because I… I build carriers. You're the first one like… you, that I've built, Myungjun. We don't make a lot like you. I'm in charge of making sure that you're still in working order. I'm supposed to fix you if something breaks, and I'm allowed to create more animals to add to your miniviro. Caretakers grow food to be fed to the animals, and make sure that you're happy and all. Jinwoo and Minhyuk will do that for you, as long as you all get along. I mean, if I didn't mess up, I think you guys should be just fine, but, well, like I said this is the first time I've done this, and it's not that unlikely that I did something wrong with work so complicated and intricate, actua--"

"Dongmin," I say softly. He freezes with his fingers in his mouth and twisted in his pant leg. I wait for him to relax: for his fingers to untwist from the fabric of his fine slacks, for his hand to drop from his mouth. I take his right hand, spit-slick, and wipe the hem of my shirt over his fingers as gently as I can. There are slight teeth marks in the skin of his fingers. "Don't worry about that. I like who I am; the person I am because of _you_. You did a good job, and I trust you. I _trust_ you, Dongmin. And if I don't get along with them, that's okay, Dongmin. I like the way you made me, whether you think you messed up or not because I don't think you messed up." Dongmin exhales shakily and smiles at me, squeezing my hand.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"Dongmin, if you need to rest, we don't have to meet Jinwoo and Minhyuk today. We can wait, if we need to." Dongmin stays silent for a moment before shaking his head.

"No, it's okay. Just a few more minutes to stay here, and then we'll go over. We're already running late as is, but they said they didn't mind, so I'll go ahead and text them that we're heading over soon." I must look at him like I don't believe him because he gives me another smile. "Seriously, Myungjun, I'll be okay. I've been worried this whole time that I would do something wrong, but hearing you… say those things made me feel better, truly. They've begun to put my mind at ease, I just need a little longer to let your words sink in." I nod and don't protest when he stands up and walks to his desk. He types something out quickly on a small device that looks similar to the tablet from earlier before sitting back on the couch with a long, slow exhale. "Just a while longer, Myungjun. Just a while longer."

* * *

  
Dongmin has a very old car. He tells me, in his brief introduction of what he says is a _Volkswagen Thing_ , that it's from the 1970s and really shouldn't be running properly at this point. The _internet_ provides the information that they aren't very safe, but Dongmin assures me that he's a wonderful driver, and that near everyone else has self-driving cars anyways. The car is very slow when we first start driving, but it speeds up over time, and with the hood down and the windows removed, I can feel the wind on my face. Dongmin lets me mess around with the radio (one of only two things that can be found on the dashboard, the other being the hood release which Dongmin had already messed with to put the black top of the car down) and I toggle through channels and adjust the volume until I find a station I like. Dongmin's lips quirk up in a smile, and I wonder if my taste in music is something he now knows he didn't mess up on. I hope that it meets whatever standard he has set as his "right" and "wrong".

I try to sing the songs that play as I watch the world flash by outside the car, but the words are just out of reach: it's like somewhere in my mind I know the songs, but I remember a fraction of a second too late and end up singing just slightly off-beat. Dongmin starts to sing along as well, only a little more confidently than myself. I don't know whether the drive was short or if it only felt that way because I'd been distracted, but before I know it we're pulling into the driveway of a rustic two-story house. It looks old, though maybe not as old as Dongmin's rusting car with its chipped and faded paint job. The house is white and has a railed porch; the rocking chair in the corner is just beginning to splinter, and the faded, threadbare cushion on the seat of it was a dark green once. I think I can see the faint impressions of what used to be flowers on the worn cushion, though now they're just faded blobs of white. The house sits on a wide, open, empty, fenced-in field. Just beyond the limits of what I can see, I think there might be the beginnings of another fenced section.

The door to the house creaks on old hinges as it opens, and two men walk out of the house, stopping at the bottom of the steps leading to and from the porch. The taller of the two has blue hair that's so dark that it looked black until he stepped into the light. His face is wider than the other's, and something about his eyebrows--or maybe it's his greyish eyes--lends a unique intensity to his features. The other man has a stronger nose and smaller eyes, and he looks much kinder as he smiles widely; the small mole beneath his lip makes his smile look even cuter. The shorter man's hair is a grey-brown, the longer strands on top being tousled by the sudden breeze that chills my bare arms. He's got an _undercut_ like me. (The internet provides me with the word out of nowhere, and it rolls around in my head as I try to connect the word to the way my hair and the strangers’ are both cut shorter underneath the longer strands.) I find both men extremely handsome, and I hum as I add that to the list of things to ask Dongmin about.

Dongmin quietly giggles from where he's standing next to my door, and I jump a little at the sudden noise. He laughs a bit more and pulls the door open for me, holding a hand out and helping me get out of the car like he'd helped me get in. He closes the door after me and starts walking towards the house. I follow after him in my white slippers, and the shorter man laughs once he sees me. I frown a bit as he starts talking to Dongmin, his words a bit slow and his voice deep enough that it almost sounds creaky.

"Min, you didn't give him any other shoes? Those slippers aren't going to stay clean for very long out here." Dongmin stops fairly close to the two men, and I stand slightly behind him. I look around his taller frame at the two, clinging to his arm as I glance between the two with a frown plastered to my face. When Dongmin looks at my shoes and sighs, I huff.

"How come he laughed at me? I… I'm not _sure_ , exactly, but I feel like it's not very nice." Dongmin raises his eyebrow and nods.

"You're right: it's not nice when people laugh at you. However, I'm pretty sure he was laughing at me because you aren't the one who got your shoes for you. I didn't think about whether or not they'd be well-suited for this place, but I remember now. I'll try not to forget to grab you some different shoes on the way back, okay?" I nod and then open my mouth to speak again, but Dongmin cuts me off. "And don't even try to be upset that he laughed at me. I'm not mad about it. Me being thoughtless like this is a bit of a joke between us, and he was mostly laughing at that." I utter a quiet _oh_ and look back at the two men, finding that the shorter man is staring at me. The entire time I'd been talking to Dongmin, the shorter man's smile had slowly diminished, until he was on the borderline of a frown.

"Why are you upset," I whisper. Dongmin's eyebrows furrow and he opens his mouth to answer, but I glance at him and shake my head. "Not you, Dongmin. Him. He isn't smiling anymore. I don't know why." The brunet looks surprised, his eyes going bigger and his eyebrows rising before they scrunch together as he thinks.

"I-- Dongmin said that you'd be… different. I just-- I guess I didn't realize… _how_ different it'd be. I'm sorry, Myungjun, I-- I'll need to adjust." He pauses for a moment before he gasps. "Right. We need to introduce ourselves. I'm Park Jinwoo." He holds his hand out for me to shake, and I take it gently. Some kind of impulse causes me to pull Jinwoo towards me once I take his hand, and suddenly I've got my arms wrapped around him. He goes kind of stiff for a moment before relaxing and gently wrapping his arms around my midsection. When I pull back, I can feel how warm my cheeks are, and I know they must've gone red.

"Uhm… I didn't know I was going to do that. I'm sorry…" Jinwoo shakes his head, and I can see that he's smiling again.

"It's okay, Myungjun." He glances at Dongmin and quirks an eyebrow, his smile growing. I look back at Dongmin as Jinwoo talks again, and for this reason, I can see Dongmin blushing. It makes his soft features even softer, and I think once more that Dongmin is very handsome, though now I think he's pretty too. It looks like there are flower petals in his cheeks. "Maybe he's not so different after all." The blue-haired man steps forward with a pout on his lips.

"Jinwoo, stop stealing all Myungjun's attention!" His voice has a whiny edge to it that makes me laugh. The other man breaks into a smile and looks between Jinwoo and me--oddly enough, the smile feels somewhat triumphant. "Ha! I told you I was gonna make him laugh first, Jinjin!" The taller man steps forward once more and doesn't even try to shake my hand, instead pulling me right into a hug. Whereas Jinwoo had been shorter than me, this man is about the same height, though perhaps his shoes are what makes him seem the slightest bit taller. This man is very warm, and I hum in contentment and relax into his hold. The warmth chases away the perpetual chill that I can barely feel but still haven't, until now, been able to rid myself of. He's the one to pull back this time, and he ruffles up my hair with a big grin. His smile softens all the harsher features of his face, and I find myself smiling back as he gently runs fingers through my messed up hair to fix it for me; I can't even find it in myself to be upset that he messed with my hair.

"I'm Kim Myungjun. Thank you for fixing my hair. You're very warm and give nice hugs," I tell him. His expression morphs into one of shock, and he glances at Dongmin with a heavy blush on his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose. Even his ears are red. There's a noise of protest behind me, and I turn to look at Jinwoo. He almost looks upset, but somehow it feels teasing too. Even so, my smile is uneasy as I address him. "I'm sure you give nice hugs too, you were just kind of awkward at first. Your muscles are kinda pillowy though: that feels nice." Jinwoo blushes too, and I turn to Dongmin. He's smiling softly, and I hum. "You said earlier that blushing was either embarrassment or flattering? Flattered? How would I say that… anyways, this time is because they're flattered, right?" Dongmin hums and then shrugs.

"It's probably partially that. It's likely also, at least partially, because they're surprised. I doubt they expected you to say something like that." I nod and turn back to the man whose name I still don't know. "Are you going to tell me your name?" He blinks and blushes again, just a little more, before nodding and clearing his throat.

"Right, sorry. You-- like Minnie said, you surprised me. I didn't expect you to say, well, _anything_ like that. You were never so blunt be-- uh, _kof_ right. My name is Park Minhyuk. A lot of people call me Rocky: I used to collect rocks when I was a kid, even called one my pet and everything."

"Its name was Harold," Jinwoo cuts in. I giggle at that and the vaguely offended, vaguely indignant expression on Minhyuk's face.

"Rocky sounds like a silly name. Are you a very silly person?" He pauses with his mouth open, clearly having been about to say something, before closing his mouth and tapping his lips with his forefinger. He ends up shrugging.

"Did you guys wanna show him the house," Dongmin says suddenly. Jinwoo jumps a bit before nodding.

"Yeah, it-- I forgot. Got distracted, ya know? Uhm, anyway, we were gonna ask if you… wanted… shit, Dongmin, he can't, uh…" Jinwoo trails off into silence, glancing nervously between Dongmin and me. When I look back at Dongmin, he's biting his lip; he shakes his head a moment later. "I didn't even think about that, dammit. Uhm, I've got snacks for, uh, just Dongmin I guess. Anyways, shall we go in? It's starting to get hot out here." We follow in without answering, and I tug on Dongmin's sleeve. When he looks down at me, I glance at Jinwoo's back for looking up at him.

"Why don't I get snacks," I ask him. I can hear the soft whining in my voice, and I realize I'm upset I can't have any. He frowns and exhales quietly.

"Well, you aren't really… made the same as we are. You look the same--like a person, because you _are_ a person, and don't you ever let anyone try to tell you differently--but we aren't _really_ structured the same way. The three of us… well, in your chest and stomach, you have a bunch of machines and the miniviro. We've got this gross, messy stuff called organs in the same places you have the machines and the animals. You don't need organs to keep you alive, and you don't need to eat or drink anything. You don't really… have any kind of machine in you that'll allow you to eat or drink things." Dongmin explains in a quiet voice as we walk through the house. I passively observe that it looks warm and cozy and comfortable, and all the furnishings and framed pictures and paintings look to be on the older side of things.

"Oh… so, I'm just not… built to have snacks. That kinda sucks." I can't keep the pout out of my words. Jinwoo pulls out a chair for me, and suddenly we're all sitting around a pretty dining table. The other three get steaming cups of some dark liquid set in front of them, along with a few little cookies. Dongmin hums as he drinks his dark stuff, and when the aroma reaches my nose, the internet supplies the name of it. It's called tea. He sets his tea down and eats a tiny cookie before looking at me again.

"That's true. It does suck that you don't get to have any snacks. _But_ , we don't get animals in our tummies like you do." Jinwoo and Minhyuk both wince, and I send puzzled looks at them. Dongmin gently smacks Jinwoo on the arm, and Jinwoo reacts by whipping his head around to glare at Dongmin. "I said earlier that I'm an engineer, and there are people called caretakers. Do you remember that, Myungjun?" I nod, and he smiles. "Well, we get assigned to specific robots. I am _your_ assigned engineer, and Jinwoo and Minhyuk are your assigned caretakers. We three are only allowed to work with _you_. I mean, we _can_ get permission to build and take on more robots, especially since Jinwoo and Minhyuk are working together. But I'm not allowed to work on things for other robots, whether they look human or not, and they can't provide anything for the other robots." I stay silent, with all three men looking at me. The moment of silence stretches out, feels like it takes hours to pass.

"I'm glad that you three are mine. I like you guys," I say quietly. Dongmin giggles while the other two men sit in shocked silence. "I-I still don't quite understand everything. Like, why I feel safe around you, or why my being the only thing on Jinwoo and Minhyuk's schedule made me feel so warm and happy, or why I thought you were all so handsome but-- I know that you three feel like home somehow. I've never even had that--I mean, how can I have when it hasn't even been a day--but you guys are just… I don't know. You're already special to me." Dongmin sits quietly with his hands pressed together in front of his mouth. Jinwoo has his hands over his eyes and he's sniffling, and Minhyuk's eyes are wet and shiny.

"It's been… an hour or so since last time, and… god, I don't know if it's too soon to tell you. You haven't even been awake for a full day and I've already told you so much… I'm so bad at this." As he speaks, Dongmin slowly pushes his face into his hands.

"Dongmin, I already told you. You're doing a good job. I'm okay with waiting if you think it's for the best." Dongmin sighs and nods, though only slightly uncovers his face.

"Min, can I tell him something?" Dongmin looks warily at Jinwoo but ends up nodding anyway. The brunet then smiles and looks at me, his lips quirked up into something gentle and warm. "Myungjun, we knew you. We used to know you before today, though you're a little different now. The truth is going to be very difficult to hear, I think, and it's not quite my place to tell you. However, I'm sure you already know that Dongmin has done you justice, even if he doesn't think he has. We cared for you a great deal before, and I look forward to getting to know you as you are now."

"Me too," Minhyuk says. He blushes slightly as he continues. "You weren't quite so blunt, and you never once called any of us-- well, you never called Jinwoo or I handsome, but it's a wonderful and interesting change. Please be patient with us, because we have to get used to everything that might have changed."

"And that's why I'm upset with myself," Dongmin tells us quietly. "Because he's _different_ , and he wasn't supposed to be!" The rest of us sigh, and Minhyuk leans his chin on his fist.

"Dongmin, even I know that no one could ever do your job perfectly. It's just-- you can't program people. You can get close--and trust me, you've gotten so, _so_ close with Myungjun--but you can never get it exact. People are just too complex."

"Those people at work, Dongmin," I say quietly. "They laughed at you for the way you were treating me, but I'll bet even they haven't done a perfect job. Even if you think they're better because they're your bosses or they've been there longer, or whatever other reason you've come up with to convince yourself that they're so much better than you? They can only have done as well as you, and they don't treat their robots the same way you do me. So, _you_ are the one who's above them. You're the better one." I don't expect it, but Jinwoo carries on.

"Y'know he's right, Dongmin. Even Sooman himself didn't get Jonghyun and Taemin _exactly_ the same. Even he messed up a little bit, and this entire thing was his idea in the first place. This terrible operation was his idea, and he didn't even get anything done perfectly. I'm glad those two got transferred over to Kibum, and I'm even happier that he found Jinki and Minho to help. Those three set the precedent for all the rest of us, and it's a good thing because they salvaged something that was on the brink of failure. And you… you've done just as well with Myungjun as Kibum does with those two." Jinwoo's low voice is soothing in some way I can't fully place. There are so much conviction and belief in his voice, and maybe it's that.

"Jinwoo, I-- I don't even *begin* to compare to _Kibum_. He's-- Kibum is-- I'm nowhere even close to his level, Jinwoo. I-- you really can't compare me to--"

"We can, and we will. You're just as good as Kim Kibum. He's the example, but you're the product. You're the theory, applied and proven. You're proving that-- well, that you can create robotic life that looks human and feels human, _is_ human, and not have to work for months and months to fix mistakes once it's working. Sooman went too fast, and he nearly ruined those two, but Kibum set them right. Every other engineer has followed Sooman's example, and they've all broken everything apart. You're the only one who's followed Kibum's example, and it's _working_! Don't doubt yourself or your abilities, because you're already doing better." Minhyuk leaves no room for argument in his tone. He sounds so adamant that what he's saying is the truth, that even if I hadn't believed it before, I would now.

"I-- I'm _really_ not--"

"You are, Dongmin. You're perfect. You are… _everything_."

* * *

  
Over the next few days, I travel between Jinwoo and Minhyuk's home and what Dongmin calls the _laboratory_. At Jinwoo and Minhyuk's, I go on walks and enjoy the views. We talk and become friends, and I decide that I really do like them. They're fun and funny, and they make me grin so much that my cheeks hurt; well, it didn't hurt at first, not until Dongmin reluctantly turned on the pain pathways. When I'd asked why he hadn't had them turned on at first, he explained with a very sad expression that sometimes the robots liked the pain and tried to chase after it. I made sure to tell him that I didn't like pain after he turned the pain pathways on.

Jinwoo and Minhyuk's home is so peaceful. The people from the laboratory began building something a few hundred yards from the house after my first visit, but the internet provides me with the reason I can't hear them working on it: they've got some device called a _canceller_ set up around the construction site, and it somehow throws up a disturbance barrier that blocks out all the noise. So, I can sit on the porch in the old rocking chair (which Jinwoo says he got from his great grandmother) and enjoy the breeze and the quiet ambiance of nature.

The wind ruffles my hair and feels like fingers threading through the chocolatey strands. It's like someone thumbing over my cheeks, telling me that everything is going to be okay, or maybe that it already _is_ okay. It's only wind, but it feels like a reassurance that everything is right in my little world. The grasses rustle softly in the wind, and it's such a soothing sound that I absently run my fingers over the braille pad on my arm and shift the weather in the miniviro so that the animals will get a little breeze too. A smile graces my lips as I think about the five animals in my miniviro: the two giraffes, whose necks are supposedly longer than I am tall when they're normal size, but right now are shorter than my pinky finger; the hippopotamus who lives in the tiny little river at the very edge, which had already been shrunken down when I first walked through the last chunk of the miniviro; and the two gazelles, who had pretty, twisting horns that glinted in the "sun" when I looked at them through the camera. Dongmin and I treat every new addition as it's own party, and we brought in the second gazelle with Jinwoo and Minhyuk. The three of them drank a lot of something that didn't smell very good, and we stayed over that night. They got really funny after drinking that, and later that night, once they were all tucked into Jinwoo's big bed, I learned that it had been _alcohol_ they drank.

They haven't mentioned knowing me before I woke up that first time since the first time I visited, but I don't mind. I had wanted very badly to know how they'd known me before, what it meant that I was different now, but it just felt different now. It felt… it didn't feel important anymore. It felt like it'd just be another bit of information that fell into the background, like all the other things Dongmin had explained. When he told me that I was a robot and that I found the three of them more attractive than most of the people at the hospital because he'd tried to program me as true to my "template" as possible, I mulled it over and eventually let it fall into the background. When he said that I'd felt happy to be called a mother and to be the only thing Jinwoo and Minhyuk had on their schedule that first day because it was part of who I was as a person, I let that, too, fall into the background. So, this last big thing I was so curious about… I think it will be quite the same.

Instead of wondering about things Dongmin will explain to me sometime in the future, I focus on the wood of the chair. It creaks on every back and forth motion (a sound I've been told many dislike, but one I find comforting) and is made of very old wood. Jinwoo told me a while ago that the rough but worn-smooth wood was hundreds of years old. I know he used that as a way to tell me to be careful with it, but I prefer to look at it in another way: the chair, rough in many places but worn smooth at the armrests, has hundreds of years of memories in it. Jinwoo must've been rocked to sleep in this chair by his mother or grandmother, or maybe his aunt. If they were friends when they were children, maybe Minhyuk, or even Dongmin, would've been rocked to sleep in the chair. Even I… well, that might be a stretch. But the faded cushion, I know, isn't the original one. It was one bought by his mother, and the green fabric has faded lighter after years of being outside (although they do bring the chair in when it rains, which I know from the time it only _looked_ like it was going to rain so they brought it in, only to find hours later that it never had rained and the clouds had dispersed). Around the back edges, the white flowers aren't so faded, and I can tell that they're daisies. The cushion is thin and doesn't provide much protection from the stiff, old wood of the seat of the chair. I don't mind it much though. It hasn't got a cushion up the back like I know some do (the internet told me that), but feeling the bars of wood against my back is kind of nice. It's not super comfortable, but I can feel it more than I can the cushion, and the feeling of it simply _being there_ is comforting. I like being able to feel something against my skin.

The chair sits partially in the sun, and the light is warm against my skin. Minhyuk told me that it's summer right now, the hottest season. Even still, with the sun at its warmest, the light doesn't warm me as much as Minhyuk's hugs do. I've taken to making him cuddle with me occasionally, when the day is growing quiet everything is running out of energy. It's warm and nice and feels like _home_. Sometimes I cuddle with Jinwoo too, when I walk inside and find him sitting on the couch. If he notices me, he'll beckon me over, and I'll walk over and curl up next to him. His arm around my waist started as an arm around my shoulder, but inevitably, as the TV shows dragged on, his arm began to drop. His arm around my waist feels like home just as much as Minhyuk's hugs and cuddles. Dongmin isn't around often enough to cuddle a lot, or he is but is busy, but a lot of the time, when we go back to his office at the laboratory, he falls asleep on the little couch. Pulling a blanket (which I may have taken from Jinwoo and Minhyuk's house for myself, but no one can prove that and I won't admit that if I'm ever asked) over his tired body is what feels like home with him. He's always tired and stressed, and I know he still feels disappointed in himself sometimes, so taking care of him is nice. I doubt if anyone has ever taken care of him before, or made it so that he didn't have to do everything on his own.

I wonder idly what the animals are doing. I know now that they aren't as enamored with me as I am with them, but that's okay. They have their own lives, and I do not figure into those lives in any way they could possibly understand. It was the internet that explained to me that if the animals were to see me in the wild, they'd probably run from me or attack me. I suppose that it's enough for me to get to sit and watch them through the tiny cameras. Out of nowhere, I turn onto the track of listening to the silence around me. I know from videos on the internet that a long time ago, it was rare for it to be so utterly quiet during the daytime. There were birds in the past, and cows, and things like that that made noise almost constantly. I've noticed, too, that it's very quiet at nighttime as well, which was also rare in the past. All the bugs are gone. All the frogs are gone too. I don't know why all the noisy animals have disappeared, or why I have animals in my stomach, but I'm sure that… that Dongmin will explain.

There's a crease between my brows that I didn't know was there until Dongmin calls my name. I'd been so caught up in my thinking that I hadn't heard Dongmin's car pull into the driveway--cars like his are part of the problem, the internet tells me, but Dongmin had said that he was going to buy an electric one once he got paid for his most recent project--and had entirely forgotten that he was going to spend a couple of nights at Jinwoo and Minhyuk's with me. A lazy smile crawls onto my lips as I turn my head and look at him. I'm already blushing for some reason: maybe it's because I've been at Jinwoo and Minhyuk's the last few days without him, because he's been at work and been very busy, because it's been days since I've seen him and I guess I missed him more than I thought but hadn't expected such an enthusiastic greeting from him. My smile turns into a grin as I watch him nearly trip over his own feet in his haste to get to me faster, and I carefully lever myself up from the rocking chair; Dongmin nearly knocks me back into it because he's got so much energy in him when he hugs me. I find that this, too--my arms wrapped around Dongmin with a hand in his hair; his neck buried in my face as his warm breath curls against my neck, panting from his sprint to the porch; the feeling of his racing against my chest and his fingers brushing against the skin of my back where hands fisted in my shirt stray further down; Dongmin's clothing rumpled and going awry with his hair near a tangled mess because I doubt, in my absence, that he's remembered to brush his hair or change his clothes--feels like home.

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on twt @sunwooseok_


End file.
